Shame on you

There's a new trend in mommyhood and often, it is unintentional: mom shaming.  Moms shaming other moms.
(As I was making lunch for me and Little E, I was thinking about the food I feed myself and my family.  Mostly, the food I feed my kids.  I know my personal eating habits are not the best.  I despise raw carrots and some days go by without my eating a fruit or vegetable in its natural form.  *gasp*  I cave into cravings and often the cravings are bad food: burgers, fries, tacos, etc.  I do love a great salad but it's not as convenient for me.)

Moms often unintentionally shame each other when we see them doing something that is the opposite of how we do things.

*Oh, you don't feed your baby all organic baby food?
*You don't make your baby organic purees at home?
*Your baby can't walk yet and he's 18 months old?
*Your baby isn't forming real words and he's almost 2?
*You feed your kids McDonalds?
*You don't let your kids have sleepovers?
*You don't read to your kids every night?
*You must miss your kids when you're at work all day.
*You must have so much time on your hands being at home.
*I never yell at my kids.
*We don't eat anything processed or pre-made in our house.


And this is just a sampling of the things that have been said to people.  I know the women who have said these things don't say them in a hurtful way but how they are interpreted are.  In my formative years, I grew up in a single parent home where money was tight.  I can empathize with single moms  Most really do work so hard to put good food on the table, making sure their kids are healthy emotionally, and clothed properly. But I also empathize with stay at home moms and working moms.  I am a SAHM and I feel like I work hard to do all the right things.  Keep a clean and orderly home.  Make good, nutritious meals.  Read to my kids.  Not yell at them.  But often, I fail.  Very often.  I have friends who are great at housekeeping or making veggie purees to put in their kids food so they get veggies even though they won't eat the unpureed version.  I have friends who have kids with food allergies and meal times are hard.  I have friends who feed their kids fast food or eat at restaurants for at least one meal a day.  To some extent we all judge each other.  No one is perfect, we are all just doing what we have to.  I know that if I'm too hard on myself, I will fail and then other issues arise:  depression, anxiety.

So I ask you women, mothers.  Before you say something to another mother, woman, please think about what your comment may do them emotionally. Even with your very best friend, you can still hurt with thoughtless words, so  please choose your words wisely. We are in this together - and all our kids will be about the same with their eating habits, social, and physical abilities so why not uplift instead of judge?  Shame on you for shaming others.