Big Changes

If you know me in real life, you probably know that I love your kids. I think kids are just the greatest thing ever. I have 3 nieces and 2 nephews and they are so awesome. Babies are my favorite (they are so squishy!) but I really do like kids. But for some reason the thought of having my own has been completely terrifying. But, this year, my sweet hubs and I have decided to try.... to have a baby that is. I'll admit, I'm completely freaked out.

I love my life. I have a job I love, and while I work long hours, I like the people I work with and I feel like I'm making a difference. I love lazy weekends where I don't have to do anything at all. Or pick up and spend the entire day with friends without thinking about anything at all.

I love to sleep. Really LOVE to sleep. Josh jokes that sleeping is my superpower. While I get decidedly less sleep than I used to (6 am runs, I'm looking at you) if I don't get at least 7.5 hours of sleep a night I'm a mess. Bring on the Diet Pepsi, I'm not going to make it through the day mess. I need at least one day a week were I can get a solid 10 hours - and its not a want - its a need!

I love my messy, small, cluttered apartment. I love paining my nails 5 nights a week if I want. I love the unstructured nature of my existence. How we can eat out most nights without even thinking about it. I love watching hours of TV, and reading whole books in a single day.

As I write all this, it occurs to me that I'm pretty selfish. I'm selfish with my time, my sleep, my personal space. And you can't be selfish with a baby. They need. Lots and lots of things.

But, they also love. The relationships that I have with children in my life has shown me how much love is packed into little tiny bodies. And how they want to share that. And if we are blessed with a baby, my life will be a whole lot less selfish, but also filled with a lot more love.

(If you have any advice, please share. I need all the help I can get!)